Scene :1
Ah Beng: Hello, everybody. I am Ah Beng. Today is my first day enter uni life and my goal is to find a girl friend like Lin Zhi Lin who is rich and beautiful, find a good friend, and enjoy life in this four years.
Director:" Cut Cut Cut!, Ah Beng, haven’t start lah"
Ah Beng: Hah, haven’t start ah? Sorry boss, sorry boss
Scene :2
Ah Beng sitting relaxingly in a coffeeshop with some friends.
Ah Beng:" Eh, do you see anything in my plate?"
Friend :" Yes!"
Ah Beng:"Sure?"
Friend :" Koay Teow lor!"
Ah Beng:" NO! i mean the little greeny things beside the taugeh"
Friend:" Geez, looks like the tauke berat sebelah,give u extra protein"
Ah Beng:" Haha, never mind let us share share"
Friend:" Oh yeah! Ah Beng you know which uni you get?"
Ah Beng:" I haven't checked yet, so u known ad?"
Friend:" Dun want tell you lar, Paiseh lar"
Ah Beng:" I am your best friend leh, faster say lah, i ask taukeh to give you some extra protein"
Friend:" Ok ok..i just got UK..."
Ah Beng:" Wah not bad,can go oversea"
Friend:" UK..M lar"
Ah Beng:" Oh , not much different la"
Friend:" So when do you want to check?Use SMS very fast and easy"
Ah Beng:" Oh, i use traditional way...faster and more reliable"
Tick! Tick!Suddenly a big fat bird appear in front of them with a letter in its' beak
Friend:"Wah, what's that ugly monster?"
Ah Beng:" You dun know meh, it is my pet, big bird? She is my friend since i was born. Eh looks like she has a letter for me"
Friend:" Wat a weird friend you have..Wat's that letter?"
Ah Beng:" Hmm, lets see.Wow, that's a good news."Friend:"Is it? let me see.Wah not bad leh, ppl like you also can get UTM, the sun must be coming out from the west tomorrow."
Ah Beng:"Woei, dun look down at me ok..."
Friend:"Ok lar, so what you want to do now?"
Ah Beng:" What else, off course is to register in UTM first....Oh yeah, where is UTM har, Orchard Road or Washington?"........
(Slide) Scene 3:
UTM main gate
Ah Beng hand in hand with grandmother walk slowly towards the gate with crowds from hometown following closely behind.
Ah Beng: Ah Mah, why so many people following us?
Ah MA: You are the first person from our village who can study in university. We are very proud of you and we are all here to support you.
Then villagers come near Ah Beng sobbing while touching Ah Beng’s head gently.
Villager A: Here are some original kampong eggs. Man shall not live by bread alone, eat them every day in remembrance of all of us and you shall be as healthy and intelligent as the chicken.
Villager B: Ah Beng, aunty give you some hens so your kampong eggs supply would not putus.
Villager C: Eh, uncle also got something to give you. Let me show you the Ferrari!
It’s a horse fully red in color appears
Ah Beng: Wat’s that on the earth or UTM?
Villager C: Haha, it’s your transport in UTM, with the speed of 300kmph, you will not drop a sweat to climb up and down from bukit to bukit.
Ah Beng: Wow, thats great!
Villager C whispers: But be careful, the horse dun like somebody to pull its’ tail.
Ah Beng pay no interest in villager C but simply touch the horse.
Ah Beng: You mean like this?
Ferrari: Hoi, i say i dun like ppl pull my tail.
And the horse runs away.
Suddenly a loud noice strikes the crowd!
A mitsubitshi lancer evo II drift and stops beside of them.
2 macho body guards in black get down from the car...and one of them open the door for somebody else.
A man slowly get down from the car and the man look yeng with his sunglasses.
Bodyguard 1push away Ah Beng to make way for his boss.
Ah Beng fall on the ground...and Ah Beng stares at them.
Bodyguard 2 : See what see, don’t you know that good dog will not block the way?
Loh Bak: What are you guys doing?
Stretch out hand to Ah Beng
Loh Bak: Are you ok? Please forgive their manner. Are you new student?
Ah Beng: I am fine, yeah, my name is Sai Beng, just call me Ah Beng!
Loh Bak: Nice to meet you, Ah Beng! I am Loh Bak, and Loh is my surname..What’s yours?
Ah Beng: My surname is Lau,but...
Loh Bak: Oh, so you are Lau Sai Beng...haha! And who are them?
Ah Beng: Oh, she is my Ah MA, and others are my villagers..
Ah Ma: Wah, young man you are so handsome and you look so strong..Please take care of our house Ah Beng har..
Loh Bak: Dun worry Ah Ma, i will take care of Ah Beng like how i take care of my dog....No, like my own family..Hehe!
Ah Ma: Now i can put down my heart since Ah Beng got such a nice friend. Ah Beng bye bye, dun forget to eat all the eggs ya!
Scene 4
Ah Beng and Loh Bak walking towards Pejabat.
Loh Bak: Eh, look around our kolej. Got tree, flower, wind and huang he.
Ah Beng: Wow, really not bad leh. Good feng shui. Eh, Loh Bak why you don’t have luggage?
Loh Bak: Oh, you know ma, My house got too much money. Even when we wash our petpet, we use bank notes instead of toilet paper. So I just buy everything here.
Ah Beng : Erm, but if you want to eat kampong eggs, I can give you some. Don’t pray pray, it is the best in UTM, JB and Orchard Road.
Loh Bak: Haha, thank you for your kindness but I am allergic to egg.
Ah Beng : Let’s go to the office to collect our keys.
Kru Kru Kru(sound from stomach)
Loh Bak: Ah Beng, I have to go to WC.
Ah Beng: What WC? World Cup? Not over oledi meh?
Loh Bak: Aiyo how old oledi you? WC here means water closet. You go to collect your key first. No need to wait for me.
Ah Beng: But ..but I don’t know where is the office.
Loh Bak: Nah, I lend you my map. Argh..Ah..AH!!! Can’t tahan eidi, see you later.
Ah Beng: Wait!!Haiya…Why this people can suddenly laosai, he must have eaten lots of Loh Bak.(smile evilly).Go to office first. Eh, why nobody come and register one? Want to ask for direction also can not. Oh yeah, nearly forgot of Loh Bak’s map.
So Ah Beng reach pejabat with the aid of the map. But suddenly….
Ah Beng: Aih Yeah!.Ouch, so pain!
Ah Beng picks up the banana skin.
Ah Beng: How come got banana skin har? Why the map did not show it? Cheh, Loh Bak one map is pirated one.
Then Ah Beng go in the Pejabat with one baliku.
Monica: Encik, bolehkah aku dapatkan kunci ku?
Officer: Sudah tentu, Ah Moi, ini dia. Tapi, tolong isikan maklumat cik dulu.
Ah Beng: Ah Pek,Saya nak kunci!
Officer staring at Ah Beng with one kind of look.
Ah Beng thought the officer do not understand him.
So Ah Beng uses a more ‘friendly’ bahasa pasar.
Ah Beng: Aku cakap, u bagi i kunci bilek,paham tak?
Officer’s face turn dark.
Officer: Cis,Biadap!(Ah Beng frighten and fall down)U budak datang dari skolah mana? Kurang ajar betoi! Belajarlah dari Ah Moi ini, bukan sahaja sui, tapi sopan juga.(smile at Monica).(Then face turn dark again), nah, ini kunci yang you mau!(slam the key on the table hardly). Jangan cari aku lagi!
Monica: Janganlah, marah abang..Orang datang dari hutan memang begitu.
Ah Beng: Er..er....(shivering) teteterrima kasih...(take the key and get lost quickly and till nobody realize that Ah Beng has taken the wrong key).
(Seconds later....
Ah Beng : Oh yeah, the pak cik said must learn from you.What’s your name?
Monica : C.H.I.N.G. but I prefer you call me Monica.
Ah Beng : Monica.....Ching...Oh!!!
Monica: Monica!!!(Take her sandle and intend to throw at Ah Beng).)
Scene 5
Kolej Block
Ah Beng: The key says M27-123. M25...M26...M27...So easy to find. Go in and see. Yih, why so cold want inside? Looks like too much off element yin. 123, there it is.
Ah Beng happily unlock the room.(Chik Kek)..
Ah Beng: Bingo!!
Girl: Who are you? Why you come in my room?
Then the girl very scared quickly grab a broom to defend herself.
Ah Beng : Wait...wait, this must be some sort of misunderstanding. I know already, you must be my roommate. Wah UTM so open ar....Boy and girl share a room.
Monica : It’s you again! How dare you come into my room and bully my room mate! Oh, no wonder...it’s you who take my key.
Ah Beng : Nonono, it’s my key. The AH Pek gave my one leh.
Monica: Say too much also no use.(Take out a paper) Nah, M27 room 123, Monica!
Ah Beng: Sorry, sorry... Forgive me okay?
Girl: Forgive you? No problem. But at least show us your sincerity.
Ah Beng : Music please!
Monica: So ugly your dance....How do you think room mate? Want to forgive him?
Girl: Bo bian..If not later all the audience will vomit.
Monica : Okay, but we will give you a little bit of present. Just turn your back and close your eyes.
Ah Beng: Hah, what present? No need lar.
Girl : Turn your back now!
Ah Beng reluctantly turn his back.
Monica: On position!
Ah Beng qiao pi gu, and hiao by twist twist a bit.
Then Girl and Monica one ppl one leg side kick Ah Beng ass.
Scene 6: Lecturer Hall
Lecturer walk in with head hold high.
Student: Good morning, lecturer.
Lecturer: What!Morning only good? What about evening and night?
Every student look at each other.(Confuse)
Lecturer: Eh hem!
Student : Good morning, Good afternoon, Good night lecturer!
Lecturer: Welcome to UTM. First of all, I better warn all of you that i am a strict person. I very hate people who are not punctual.
Everybody look tension and stunned.
Lecturer: First of all my name is.....
Ah Beng: Good morning, sorry i am late, because...
Lecturer: Stop. No excuse.
Lecturer pull Ah Beng ear and squad up and down together.
After some time,
Lecturer(panting): You come late still make me so tired, Wat’s your name? I want to saman you.
Ah Beng: Lau Sai Beng!
Lecturer: Got Perng Sai Beng, Kek Sai Beng, but no Lau Sai Beng. This is advanced English class. Are you sure you are in the right class?
Ah Beng: Opps, sorry I am in not so advanced English class.
Lecturer: Wait, take this saman with you.
Scene 7
The next day, Ah Beng and Loh Bak walking out from lecture hall
Loh Bak: Finally the class is over....
Ah Beng: Haiz, university life is so boring...Everyday sleep at lecture hall.
Suddenly a beautiful girl walking down the stairs.(Music)
Both of them can not close their mouth. Loh Bak lending Ah Beng a hand by wiping out his saliva...Ah Beng does the same to him.
Ah Beng: It’s her...she is my angel. (Only You music)
Loh Bak: Not bad your taste. You want to chase her?Ah Beng: But I never chase a girl before..Can you teach me?
Loh Bak: Easy lah, write a letter for her.
Ah Beng: UTM offer letter can arh?
Loh Bak: What
Ah Beng: Don’t worry, got sah chanselor punya.
Loh Bak: Off course can’t lah, it’s you want to chase the girl, not the chanselor. Write a romantic love letter.
Ah Beng: Oh, yeah. But can you help me to pass it to her? You know I paiseh one mar.
Loh Bak: No problem, brother.
Scene 8
Loh Bak: This Ah Beng so fast give me the letter, really efficient lah but, hehe, he really thought I will help him, I will just tell her the letter is from me.(smile evilly)
Girl come out and Loh Bak pass the letter. Then the girl read out the letter.
Girl: I do..
Then Girl and Loh Bak walk out together.
Scene 9 Corridor
Ah Beng: Haiz so sienz lar..Suddenly miss Loh Bak. Where did he go this few days?
Salesman: Mari! Mari! Mari! Business Cepat Kaya!!!
Ah Beng: Err. Hello, your business can make a lot of money?
Salesman: Sure, UTM has deliver a lot of millionaire because of this business.
Ah Beng: Really, easy to do or not?
Salesman: Sup sup water lar.. Do you know that UTM got sell fish, chicken, cow, goat meat, but got one meat they don’t have....Pork. I will supply you all kind of pork and you just need to help me to sell them in UTM secretly through delivery.
Ah Beng: Good..Good. No wonder my granma say study in U also can make a lot of money.
Scene 10
Meranti Background
Ah Beng: Bak Kut Teh ! Bak Kut Teh! Tiga ringgit satu.Buy one free one. Tak sedap boleh sue saya.
Suddenly Loh Bak appear in front of him.
Ah Beng: Hey brother, long time no see. Come, come taste my bak kut teh i belanja you for helping me to pass the letter...Ei, what’s her response har?
Loh Bak: Errr...
Then the girl come
Girl: Darling, what are you doing in front of the smelly stall?Ei, who is this nerd? your friend?
Ah Beng: (shocked) Loh Bak! Why my angel is so close to you?
Loh Bak: Who are you? I don’t know you lar..Let’s go honey, this place really dirty.
Ah Beng: Don’t go my angel!!!
Then two guard come
Guard1: Celaka, berani kau jual benda tak halal dalam campus.
Ah Beng: Saya,saya..cuma jual bak kut teh, semua orang suka makan, apek mahu cuba, belum try belum tahu, sekali try hari hari mahu. You tunggu kejap har, aku nak pergi cari awek.
Guard2: Jangan cuba tipu saya.You kena gantung satu sem mula sekarang. Mari ikut saya.
So Ah Beng kena tangkap by the two guards.
Ah Beng: Why I fail in everything I do in university always fail? Why I can’t get my dream girl? Why my best friend betray me? Why I can’t success in my business? Why I am so blur in everything? Afterall why I am here?
